Quotes: The People In My Life

"1 terabyte of storage baby. Just look at all that sexy space. Lets delete a few files so I can see that hot, empty drive sector." -Me

"Santorum (sexual neologism, aka 'post') - that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."

"Love is like Pi... natural, irrational and very important."

"It's not what you say, it's what people hear."

"There is no monument more erected than the Washington." -Dylan T.

"I need a wheelchair for my mind." -Alex H.

"Who would lose their fucking virginity on a piece of drywall." -Dylan T.

"Degruding - to have sex with." -Dylan T.

"...Fruckin' thick!" -Katie Rol... (in an attempt to say "frickin' thin")

"It's fucking cold... like, icicle up the ass cold." -Me

"It was wrong. It was wrong in a special way." -Dylan T.

"Awkward encounters with the people on the other patio." -Alex H.

"Negative money numbers scare me." -Me

Past tense for "freak-grinding," is "fruck-ground" -Dylan T.

"Taste my Tuscan Pain!" -Dylan T.

"Yes, but anally it's funnier." -Me

"Once you go Dylan, you'll always be willin'." -Me

"Demetri Martin has this laid-back, relaxed sense of humor that just makes you think... a little bit." -Me

"I just realized how I want to die: in a violent fit of multiple screaming orgasms." -Me

"My friends tell me I look rape-ably good." -Chris M.

"Yes, the Super Bowel. Able to expel human waste at 125 gallons per second at 100psi! (The same as a fire hose!)
Tired of those laxatives and anal douches?
Upgrade your bowel by ordering the Super Bowel today!" -Me

"I would love to change the world but they won't give me the source code." -Unkown

"I'm so hungry right now... where the fuck is my cheese?!" -Me

"Mike got official Honors approval of his couch sleeping." -Alex H.

"I realized belatedly that I'm actually majoring in communism." -Alex H.

"We can only put our member between the thighs; we can't get to the real thing." Dylan T.

"There are tears in my pancakes." -Alex H.

"Oh, go fuck a bag ('cause that's all you gonna get)." -Shea & Me

"No, I want Comcast not 'Cocmast'!" -Chris M.

"Domestic partnership is like 'Diet Marriage.'" -Chris M.

"No one is normal and somebody is always weirder than you." -Me

"Dried cum stains can be distinguishing." -Chris M.

"I'm a polyamorous pansexual with a pension for passion." -Me

"Anyway, I love you." -PSU Pedestrian on their Cellphone

"Less education = bigger families." -Chris M.

"You know you're a ninja when you can dodge your own cum shots." -Chris M.

"Sexual expression and behavior is my battlefield." -Anonymous

"No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true." -Nathaniel Hawthrone

"How can you forget that which doesn't exist?" -Tim S.

"If money is abolished, peace and very niceness will inevitably follow." -Tim S.

"Sake is the hot cocoa of alcohol." -Kylie L.

"Where are all the Drag Queens?" -Random Drag Queen at Pioneer Square, Pride 2009

"I eat pussy like I eat cake." -Random Pride Parade Attendee

"Me: Ow! Hiccup of pain @_<
ChrisM: Ohh, no... you know what can get rid of that? Sex with another man.
Me: Hmm I'll have to try that.
ChrisM: Yeah, it's a very fulfilling and inexpensive remedy for many things.
Me: Oh good ^_^
ChrisM: If you want, I've got some here at my house. I can give you some when we get here. I would bring it out to you, but everyone wants it. Gotta be careful with it."

"Everywhere I go there's semen..." -Me

"Ignorance may be bliss, but the truth is the only thing that will really set you free." -Me

"Unfortunately, most people prefer living in their blissful ignorance because they're scared of being released from that bliss after learning of the (oftentimes) unsavory truth. Illusion is the greatest enemy of insight." -Chris M.

"Ah, I love my new headphones. Stylish, and they block out the stupid." -Kelsie O.

"Don't be scared. This is a grandma face." -Drunk older women on the streets of Portland

"Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear to be bright until you hear them speak." -Unknown

Quotes: Books, Movies, TV Shows, etc.

"Santa: (to Stewie)... and what can I bring YOU this year?
Stewie: Oh, a peace offering is it... Very well, let's say you trim those gin soaked whiskers and bring me some plutonium!
Santa: Well, can you be a good boy?
Stewie: Hmm... Your inquiry intrigues me. Can any of us be a good boy? Are our primal urges innate or the result of the choices we make?
Santa: OhhK, wrap it up kid...
Stewie: All right Kringle, if the reward is plutonium than your wager is accepted. I will be... nice.
Santa: Good boy. Now, smile for the camera!
Stewie: Yes, yes smile... like a good boy..."- Family Guy

"Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity,
is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous
Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." -V for Vendetta

"It's the state that makes the personal political by interfering in private lives. We must choose between the quiet suffering of such punishment alone and the exhaustion and pain of publicly opposing it. Activism sometimes allows such deep healing that it is therapeutic--and the only escape from the paralysis of shame." -Public Sex by Pat Califia

"A good scene doesn't end with orgasm--it ends with catharsis." -Pat Califia

"Monogamy has nothing to do with morality. If sexual exclusivity were an ethical issue, it would be an individual choice. Has anybody ever said to you, 'I'm monogamous, and my lover isn't, so we both do what we feel is right?' Of course not, because monogamy is about controlling the other person's behavior--social control, not self-control." -Pat Califia

"Your girlfriend is a hatstand and my mattress smelled of swamp!" -Arthur Dent, H2G2

"Leave now before I set about you with this plaster rhinoceros!" -Save the Dolphins Guy, H2G2

"I'm bursting with fluffy pink bunny love"- Collin the security robot, H2G2

"This is complete pants!" -Random, H2G2

"Lord, Lord, Lord... (it's best to put that bit in, just in case. You can never be too sure)...
Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know.
Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know.
Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen." -The Old Man on a Pole, H2G2

"Lord, Lord, Lord...
Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer." -The Old Man on a Pole, H2G2

"According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, there are rules that determine the reaction of most life-forms to emerging technologies. (1) Anything that is in your world when you're born is normal and ordinary, and is just a natural part of the way things work. (2) Anything that's invented in the first third of your lifespan is new and exciting and revolutionary, and you can probably get a career in it. (3) Anything invented once you are middle-aged is against the natural order of things." -The Guide, H2G2

"My heart is a kaleidoscope!" -Moonlight Densetsu (Sailor Moon Theme Song)

"You think cooking is a cute job, like Mommy in the kitchen? Well, Mommy never had to face the dinner rush when the orders come flooding in, and every dish is different and none are simple, and all of the different cooking times, but must arrive on the customer's table at exactly the same time, hot and perfect! Every second counts, and you cannot be Mommy!" -Colette (Ratatouille)

"I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy." -Jeff Portnoy (Tropic Thunder)
"Dear Myself... I love his smile. So, I want him always to be smiling. Don't you agree?" -Hirofumi Mizui (Dear Myself)
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." -Uguay (Kung Fu Panda)
"Engineering: Where the noble, semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello Oompa-Loompa's of science." -Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory)

"Penny: I'm a Sagitarious, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
Sheldon: Yes. It tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow effects your personality." -(The Big Bang Theory)

"My muse is a fickle bitch with a very short attention span!" -Sander Cohen (Bioshock)

"Faye: Which one are you?!
Ren: I am both at once and I am neither one." -Jupiter Jazz Part I (Cowboy Bebop)

"There's nothing more pure and cruel as a child." -Jet Black, Pierrot Le Fou (Cowboy Bebop)

"Fucking doughnut! Mock me? You fried cyclops!" -Happy Noodle Boy

"Someday, you have to love the abstract as much as you love the condition of addiction." -Ramtha (What the #$*! Do We Know)

"It is difficult enough being transgendered without throwing sexual orientation into the mix. I am on the fringe of society by being transgendered, on the fringe of transgendered community by being homosexual and on the fringe of that community by being transgendered. Would that be considered fringe cubed? What about my identity as both lesbian and gay? What happens when leather gets thrown into the mix? The mathematics boggle the mind." -Trans Liberation by Leslie Feinberg
"Each individual still needs to overcome the bigotry that has been instilled in us from an early age. A gay man does not necessarily see the need to fight sexism automatically; a white transperson doesn't automatically see the need to fight racism. But the progressive momentum inherent in movements offers a greater potential for individuals to gain an understanding of the struggles of others" -Trans Liberation by Leslie Feinberg

"Stewie: Women, Brian. What a royal pain in the ass. It’s like-it’s like- why can’t you hang out with guys, you know? Just live with someone of your own sex. Just do what you would do with a women, but with your buddy, you know? Why don’t guys just do that?
Brian: They do. It’s called being gay.
Stewie: Oh, that’s what gay is? Oh yeah, I could totally get into that." -Family Guy

"You're like a spoon full of whoop ass!" -Grace, Will & Grace

"But you know what's the most wonderful thing about New York? It's where everyone comes to get fucked. It's one of the last places where people are still willing to bend over to let in the new. And the old. New Yorkers are, permeable. You know what I mean? Therefore, we're sane. Consequently, we're the target of the impermeable. And the insane. And of course, New York is where everyone comes to be forgiven. What've you done wrong? Tell me. How have you sinned? I'm sure it's nothing serious. Well, I'm sure you did your best. But imagine if you grew up here, like I did. Home can be very unforgiving. It's true. People said I didn't do enough to help prevent the AIDS crisis, because I was in the closet. That's not true. I did the best I could. I was scared. And impermeable. Everybody knew so little then. I know even less now." -Ex-mayor of NYC, Shortbus
"'Godfather?' sputtered Uncle Vernon. 'You haven't got a godfather!'
'Yes, I have,' said Harry brightly. 'He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy...'
And, grinning broadly at the look of horror on Uncle Vernon's face, Harry set off toward the station exit, Hedwig rattling along in front of him, for what looked like a much better summer than the last.'" -Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

"Dragoon (Councilman 8): We were musicians then...
Red Mantel (Concilman 3): I was! You just kind of talk-singed.
Dragoon: I was accidentally creating hip-hop!" -Venture Bros., 401-The Revenge Society